Doctor, Are You Listening?

After almost a whole week of non stop illness, I think I’m recovering properly for the time being.

I should tell you about my experience with my lady doctor. Her name is Heather (how do you pronounce these things?) and she is one very fast consultant. Flimsy and possibly going into a mode of deep trance and still I had to wait for my turn to see her, along with the other patients each with their own dying symptoms. I manage to stay alive for an hour outside her door; I observed that the handle was slightly crooked unlike the orderly rest. Typically, you are supposed to wait for your number before you see the doctor. I am quite pissed with those middle aged aunties who walked in right after one comes out like she was back from an errand the doctor had assigned her earlier. Get a life hags, get your own number please! Finally the LEDs jumped, my long awaited jackpot! I shoot out of my very uncomfortable chair expectantly, raising a few stares from my sickly neighbors, and the girl who kept coughing beside me. HA, I’m next and you better keep staring at the panel for your turn!

So Dr. Heather greeted me quickly, “What’s your problem?”

Was I healthy for too long or is that the latest way in medical scene to greet a sick patient? I sensed where she was coming from and followed suit anyway.

Elf Lady, “I have a flu, a terrible flu, and I can’t breathe at night when I sleep because it totally blocks out my pathways… I really don't know how to describe the ordeal… ”

People are known to exaggerate medical conditions in front of doctors just to get a medical certificate (MC), though I don’t need one, I thought I had done a pretty good job creating my own mystery illness.

Dr. Heather, “Go on,”

Elf Lady, “Oh (she seemed unfazed). Ok so I can’t breathe, and I have a throat that kills me every morning when I wake up.”

Dr. Heather, “Are you coughing?”

Elf Lady, “No. I don’t think so. Well, maybe chocking coughs or you know those chokes you get with an irritating throat, those.. ”

Dr. Heather, “So are you coughing?”

Elf Lady, “No.”

Dr. Heather, “Turn around, I am going to hear your pulses just to check if you are breathing correctly.”

Elf Lady, “Ok.” (so now she questions my breathing technique)

After two position checks with her stethoscope which lasted 1 second each, she glides back with poise to her static spot behind her table and started scribbling. Unwilling to end my very short meeting with her (and to make her work a little more challenging :]), suddenly I remembered something.

Elf Lady, “Oh, I have a rising fever this morning, it was 38.7° the last time I checked.”

Then was an unexpected commotion. A plain clothe civilian was holding onto a supposedly important document for the doctor. He claims it was from the nurse next door (who I don’t see why couldn’t give her personally). Dr. Heather took the booklet from him and flips through the yellowed file.

Dr. Heather, “What’s this for?”

Man, “I don’t know, the nurse said it was for you,”

Great, this is such a commercial break. During my appointment time! Not only am I forced to listen to someone else’s disease, I have to wait for their vague reply. I coughed, or rather, I chocked cough.

Dr. Heather, “I’ll get back to this later ok?”

The man disappears.

Dr. Heather, “So you say you have a fever.”

Elf Lady, “Uh huh. Increasing fever.”

She takes the ear temperature measurement device and clicks in my ear, BEEP!

Dr. Heather, “37.4°, good you are going down.”

Elf Lady, “… Oh. That's.. good! Good good.. (and I had to smile like she had miraculously brought down the temperature with her incredible gadget)”

Dr. Heather, “Alright so here’s the prescription for you to collect at the pharmacy counter just outside the hallway, I gave you some flu medicine, and cough syrup just in case and do you need panadols?”

Elf Lady, “Do I need panadols? I mean, I still have those standard pills at home.. ”

Dr. Heather, “Good so you won’t need it, alright that’s it”

I don’t need to repeat her words twice. After thanking her, I saw myself out.

Maybe this is the new fashion when you visit your neighborhood polyclinic. You wait an hour with queue number hundreds apart and you witness uncanny people popping out from nowhere into your appointment. Your meeting with the doctor is basically QA sessions that honestly can take place over the internet. You just need a chat room titled, “The Doctor is In.” Needless to say it was a very dissatisfying experience. Should I ever fall sick again (pray never :[), I will appear sicklier to magnetize the doctor’s attention, and I’m going to scream if anyone who doesn’t wear a white uniform decides to barge in. And when I do, you bet not only the doctors will give me their undivided attention, others will too.